my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
FUCK WHALES
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
