if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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