There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
