I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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