the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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