Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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