My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
