I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
