Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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