dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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