my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize