the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
if only i could text you this smell
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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