how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
