thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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