More tranny stories later!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
