she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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