you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
