So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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