i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
