All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my life...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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