Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
