Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
