did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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