So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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