Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
