I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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