I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
