9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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