At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
