I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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