Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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