Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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