Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
