It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
