Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
