There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
