I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
