it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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