how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
