Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
