Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
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You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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