just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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