At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
