told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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