wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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