let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You were trust falling into bushes
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
