I'm drive I can fine osifer
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
