I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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