The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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