Just cropdusted the office
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
