I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
