i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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