Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
