I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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