So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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