He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
