She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
