All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
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I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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