1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
