Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Houston, we have a blender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize