found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
