the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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