After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
