I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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